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「絵と私」小川佳夫 / 2005.3

″My Painting and I″ by Yoshio Ogawa, March 2005

　筆は動き、キャンバスの表面は色彩の痕跡に徐々に覆われてゆく。筆致は筆致を呼び、ある変容が私を巻き込んでゆく。そこに身体の動きも映し出される。
きのう完成した絵を眺めていた。同じ絵なのに、何故か今日のほうがよく見える。曇りがちの光がよいのか、いや、ただ一晩寝たらそう思えてきただけではないのか？
いろいろと考えが浮かぶ。去年描いた別の絵をながめてみる。仕上がった直後は違和感があった左隅の色を、いまは自然にすんなり見ることが出来る。
絵を描いている間、それは絶えず変化していた。完成すると、絵を見る私自身が変化させられた。いうなれば、描いている私は、目を通して、絵の中へ肉体の移動を試みているようなものであった。そして鑑賞している私、観手の私は、そこに私固有の vérité -真実-、自分を浄化してくれる何かを見出そうとしていた。
生きている以上、精神と肉体はたゆまなく揺れ動き続ける。絵を描いている私は、その動きをまるで扱いづらい家畜を誘導するかのように、筆でキャンバスへと誘う。一方、完成した絵は動きようのない塊だ。身体の動きが反映されたその塊を見ることによって、良かれ悪しかれ私の心は動かされる。絵と私の関係においては、客体と主体が交錯、融合し、両者はもはや切り離しがたい。遂に「わたし」は無になり、「わたし」の全存在は絵の中に息づいている。

2005年 3月　小川佳夫



At first there are only a few brushstrokes and traces of colors that cover the surface of the canvas little by little. Then the touches of paint succeed each other and I feel engaged in a veritable process of transformation in which the movements of my body are literally projected on the canvas. I look at the painting I did yesterday. Without knowing why, it seems better to me today. Perhaps the colors and shapes come out better in the dimmed light of this grey day. Perhaps I am simply receptive after a night of sleep. My regard now turns to this other painting, done last year. When I had just finished it the color in the left-hand corner bothered me, whereas it seems very natural today.

The incessant transformation of matter in which the act of painting involves me is partly out of my hands; once the artwork is completed, I become an ordinary viewer and am often touched and transformed myself as I consider it. When I paint, it is as if my body were borne into the painting. As a viewer I then seek to find my own truth, something that purifies me in return. It is the inner vacillation between my mind and my body that I attempt to transport to the canvas, as if I were leading a reluctant animal. The movement projected into the inert matter of the finished painting is what transmits, for better or worse, to he who considers it. If I had to define the relationship between my painting and myself, I would say it is the meeting-point or the joining of object and subject, without it being possible to truly separate them from each other. As if the substance of my being had finally ended by annihilating itself to breathe forth in the painting.

Yoshio OGAWA